So even fuller reflection from my post this morning. I am having my days messed up and my posts here are not accurate to the 21 days that my church is currently observing that I am trying to adhere my routine to. So today is actually day 4 and yesterday’s post should actually be day 3 and day 1 is actually day 2.
Are we following LOL!
Despite all that,
Being in this constant state of reflection is a very weird feeling.
I don’t feel like I am completely connected to myself. I feel disjointed a little. Not unfocused.
In fact, have anyone of you ever specifically attempted to focus and unfocused your vision. If you haven’t try it, consciously pick an item not far from you and focus on it and nothing else. Did you notice that everything around that thing has become blurred?
Now hold something in front of your face and look beyond that thing. Did you notice how the item in front of you gets blurry?
Now imagine drifting in and out of that constantly. This is how it feels to be in this constant state of reflection.
I don’t mind it that much, it’s not a natural place for me right now, but I am excited for it to be a natural place.
Truthfully, there are moments where it feels like home. Safe.
My time with God has been the most fascinating, because I have taken in a lot of advice and direction from mentor’s in my life. Not perfectly mind you but applying it. My time with Him has felt more intimate and more emotions involved than there was before. For all you brain thinkers out there no I am not going full emotionalism, but I am learning what it takes to traverse the 18 inch journey from my head to my heart. So that the word of God, and my time with him is more than just a knowing of all the things He has to teach me. But that it would feel more and more like a real authentic relationship.
Where I walk with him and talk to him, where he tells me I am his own and that I tell him he is mine. Where I can be just as I am without pleading for forgiveness and constantly apologizing for my failures. And instead sit with him let him comfort me and lead me in the healing journey that he has me on.
It’s a lot to think about, and process but the state of reflection is nice!
A. Geist Production 